Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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