What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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