and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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