I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
