I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
