A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
