you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my being single is dangerous.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize