I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
