Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
