hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sext me about skeletons
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
