I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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