Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
