I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
