So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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