it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
