just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
