I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
