I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
People in love make me want to vomit
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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