I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
