Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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