Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
