Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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