Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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