i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
