i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
