I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
