maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
