she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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