so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize