my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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