i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
