How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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