Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
