You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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