I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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