for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
