Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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