i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
