OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
