he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
