So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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