So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
