Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
