Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
