I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
