My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
