Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize