I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
