think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
