Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize