My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
