i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
