fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize