he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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