If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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