What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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