We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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