Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
