Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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