It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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