So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
