pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
