Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
