The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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